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27th May 2006

ashes8712:50pm: schedule schmedule
I usually work a friday - tuesday schedule, but I'm usually home by about 3 or 4 and I can stay out reasonably late cause I don't have to catch a ferry until around 9:30.

also, right now, the paper is biweekly, so every other week, I have sunday off and possibly also monday or tuesday.

anyway, this does change pretty often, so really this is all to say: call me whenenver you want to see me (and I hope that's often), and if I can make it, I will.

love love love,

ashraya

21st April 2006

beachberry12:42am: I always fantasize about what it would be like to live together as the eight. In the same house, or even in the same dorm building or something. Hang out in each others rooms whenever. Go out whenever. Watch TV and movies together. Go to the dining hall, or cook together (PASTA RONI! PENNE!). And generally know everything about each others lives. Someone has a boy? We'd meet him. Stressed for a test? We'd know. New band obsession? We'd hear it first.

We all need to be married.
Current Mood: optimistic

6th October 2005

ilovekoreanfood10:48pm: LADIES! i have a new sn~ but you dont have to IM me with yours. i memorized those! x)

23rd September 2005

ilovekoreanfood2:52pm: i cant WAIT for tonight! i miss the eight~~~ mucho <3s

2nd September 2005

seashell202:36pm: Hey girls,

I'm in Boston and I'm in love with it.

Here is my address. And if you need to call me just use the cell. I promise, I'll answer. <3

Michelle Nicola
BOX #429
119 Hemenway Street
Boston, Mass. 02115
beachberry10:49am: the motherfucking eight, bitches!
celly (631)513-0403
room (718)674-0960

Erin Mellynchuk
Donovan Hall
600 St. John's University, Rm224
Queens, NY 11439-6000

Love you girls. :)

26th April 2004

beachberry5:59pm: we'll pretend that it meant something so much more.
It's a sad state of affairs.

When you don't know what your life means anymore,
or if you knew what it meant to begin with ever

and when you wonder what you're doing when you occupy yourself with school and friends and sports and you don't know what you're doing it for. Am I having fun? Or am I distracting myself from the fact that I am a hollow, empty human being?

why am I thinking this, exactly?

what the fuck am I doing with my life? what should I be doing?

I can't define myself. I don't know who I am. I'm lost. I feel like I'm living a charade.

Everyone else has their place. Definite. Sometimes I don't even know if I mean anything to anyone besides myself. I don't know if I love myself or I love who I want me to be. It's like I paint a picture of the ideal me in my head. And pretend it's who I am.

I don't know where this is going. But I'm being an emo fuck and my cd player is making weird scary noises instead of playing music.

I tried to talk to my mom about it this afternoon but I ended up just crying to her incoherently. She didn't get what I was trying to say, she tried to console me but it wasn't what I was upset about. Its not her fault I have no eloquence. I can't ever say what I mean. Not now either.

I don't know what my problem is, maybe I should go cry in a bag of money. I live in white suburbia and I need to realize that. Maybe I'm feeling worthless and infintesimal because that's exactly what I am and I should get used to it. There 76543567890 zillion people in the world and most of them have worse problems than me. They're not vague shitty problems either. And it makes me feel worse that I'm wallowing around being melancholy.

No one comment. This is the stupidest thing I've ever read. I hate my life and I hate how I pretend reading this is worth any of your time. Why else would I post it really? "Hey guys please tell me how great I am and that I'm not a waste of life"

Don't say anything like that, because hearing it actually doesn't make me feel better. I don't know what would, but it wouldn't be that.
________________________________________________________

I wrote that last night. And then exploded in school today. I'm sorry everyone, for worrying you and acting like my problems are worth making a scene over. I just feel so...bad. I'm just unhappy for lack of a better word.

My mom thought maybe I should talk to Mr. Dillon, but I don't want him to think I'm a freak. So I dunno. It seems like a good idea but I dunno, maybe it would be better to talk about it with someone I don't know at all, or just let it go and hope it passes. I don't know. I've never felt this bad before and it's just been building up I guess. And it makes me feel worse that I have no reason for it, last time I felt depressed it was because I broke up with Luke. That's a reason, that's something people can understand.

This... I don't even know what it is. And half the free world saw me have a breakdown today 9th and with their good intentions, asked me what was wrong...and I just didn't know how to tell them without saying something retarded like "everything" or "I hate my life"

I especially hated it when Marta saw me... She's got it so together, she undoubtedly thought I was being an ass. Even though she was nice and supportive she was probably thinking I need to calm down and stop being a drama queen.

And if Kaz IMs me one more time I'll kick him so hard his head will spin.

This is like my new favorite song. I think The Postal Service is my favorite band right now. Give Up is just a great album. Anyway. I think I'm done being emo.
Current Mood: cold

1st March 2004

harnessyourchi11:18pm: Okay, guys. This goes to everyone. I have had four people ask me why Jenn is mad. I think we all really need to work on our communication skills.

I'm not judging anyone, I'm not telling anyone what to do, I'm not being unsupportive. THIS IS WHAT I THINK:

I, personally, think that vague livejournal entries are a great way to vent frustrations. I do it all the time. But if we are going to get through our issues that we all will inevitably have as friends, we need to talk to each other. Saying "I love you yay you're awesome" is not always the way to solve everything.

I think that if our friendships are important to one another then we need to find better ways to talk to each other about what upsets us, instead of letting it sit around and grow into distrust, anger, and frustration. This is not just about Jenn, this is something that I have let done in the recent past, that I'm sure we've all done. And if our friendships are not that important to each other, then that's something else that needs to be dealt with as well.

That's all, I guess.
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